Alright, time for an update. The standup on Friday night went horribly. Absolutely horrible. I suppose I overestimated the patience of the "drunken open-mic at a bar" crowd, because I didn't even get to my first joke. Bunch of fucking ingrates. I'm working on a new act, composed entirely of one-liners and bad transitions. I'm also going to make some of my friends show up (if I had any) so that someone will still be listening to me by the time I get to a punchline. On the plus side, I did treat myself to 2 dozen krispy kreme doughnuts, and I've been farting to end the millenia. According to our tagboard, people have visited the site. I don't buy it. Matt, stop pretending to be a shy girl posting on our website, you degenerate fuck.

So, shark attacks aside, I think that Friday night was one of the worst experiences of my young life. You guys know that dream, where you're naked in school and everyone is laughing at you. You know how good you feel when you wake up, and realize that it didn't really happen? Well, a failed stand up act is kind of like that, except you don't get to wake up. After I got off the stage, one of the guys at the bar asked me if I was going to hang out. I shook my head and laughed. It'll be at least 3 weeks before I can show my face in that place again. By then, maybe they've forgotten what an incredibly small penis I've got.

Ok, I've gotta take a shit. All that's coming out of me is from Wendy's, Taco Bell, and Krispy Kreme, so it should be colorful at the very least. Keep whoring yourself out to get us hits Jed. Yay for AIDS!

On that note I'm the best kind of evil around. I don't think anyone who knows me can argue with this one. Go minions, GO!