Alright, so it's time for an update. I did standup Friday night. It went horrendously. Almost as bad as I never could've imagined it going. Fuck it. I'm only going to grace that shithole with my presence one or two more times.

So the crowd was bad. Not just bad, but glaringly bad. Most of the time, I'm guessing that a crowd will give you at least 25 seconds to say something funny if you're on stage. Some crowds will give you all night. They gave me maybe, 5 seconds. Tops. Which is strange, because the first thing I said when I got up there was funny, but fuck it. Ok, so the crowd was bad. I"d like to extrapolate that though. It's not that it was hard to make them laugh, or they didn't like any of my jokes, it's that they were too drunk to actually LISTEN to anything for more than a few seconds. Whatever, there were some black people there, so that's probably why.

Yeah, let's cut the crap, you all know what I want to complain about anyway. So the normal MC of open mic wasn't there. This black musician was there, filling in. He's a regular, and the only black musician at this particular open mic. This guy was drunk. Not only did he not introduce me properly, but fucked up at least 5 of my jokes, for the few people that were listening. Now, I don't require a complicated introduction. I really don't. But I'd prefer if I was introduced as a spoken word act, instead of a musician. Why? Because I can't sing or play an instrument. So, maybe it's just me. But don't respond to a comedian's one-liners if you don't get the joke. Because getting fucked up by the MC is something that I will never put up with again. Also, this cocksucker apologized after I got off stage. WHAT THE FUCK? Like, if I was in the audience with an amp and a guitar and just making noise throughout his act, then he gets offstage and i'm like. "You know I'm just playin." Get it straight brownskin, I don't like you, we're not friends. The only way you could just be 'messing' with me while I'm ON STAGE is if you were one of my friends (and none of my friends would ever put me through this) and I don't respect you enough.

Alright, after the MC situation, there's the fact that I got cut off half way through my act. That's right, just because management is incompetent and running late, they cut me off 10 minutes into a 20 minute act. Now, it's a managerial decision, which I might have made if I was in that situation. Then I remember the purpose of an OPEN mic is not to entertain a crowd and keep them coming back. During an open mic, the audience is only performers, as a proprietor (spelling has officially gone to shit, but fuck you, nobody reads this) you really shouldn't worry about people not enjoying the act on stage. Maybe he didn't appreciate my abortion jokes, or how I was ripping on the audience for having the collective intelligence of a yeast colony, I don't know. My point is, I need practice, and I can't get it without getting my fucking 20 minutes. The jokes are good, I know the jokes are good, but I need LOTS of practice to be able to deliver them in a context where people can feel comfortable laughing at them. So, in short, fuck you guys. Fucking brainless wastes of carbon.