Hello. How are you today? I'm doing just fine. A bit tired, but everthing else is fine. Words look like they are spelled wrong today, like all of them. I've never been very good at english, I just don't comprehend it sometimes. It's weird. Anyways, tonight I'm covering for a guy at work, working from 10 - 7am. I always love working that shift. I actually get to do stuff when I'm working that late, like, check on the billing computers to make sure they are running their reports. Makes me feel important. I'm not, but the false pride helps sometimes. I'm slowly getting over my obsessiveness. I really don't know where it came from; just one day I completely lost all control over myself. Not like me at all. I feel like I really fucked up a friendship by my actions, so far she's acting like it didn't happen, maybe it's not that big of a deal, maybe she's used to people obsessing about her. And she still thinks she's ugly. That's one thing I cannot stand! People who are so depressed that all they see is hate and uglyness and negative. Funny, that describes me perfectly a few months ago. I guess that's why I hate it so much, because I see it in myself. When I'm not in my depression, I hate it. I hate other peoples' depression and I want to cure them all. But when I'm deep in my shit, depressed and hopeless, I LOVE it. It's so warm and comfortable and I don't have to care about anything. That's the crux of depression. Depression fuels depression and so on and so forth. It takes an outside force, an act beyond one's self to change the mindset of the person. Just a big deal to me because I have to deal with it so often. Guess I'll go test my luck and hang out at her house now, seeing as I'm offered and she has a boyfriend now.

By the way, FINE stants for Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. Just something to remember when everyone says they are just fine. Peace