C'mon kids, gather 'round. There's a new sensation hittin' town. It's moving slow, low to the ground. It'll pick you up when you're feelin' down.

Alright, I've actually got some funny things to relate to you.

First, remember that girl I was talking about in my Film studies class? The one that reminds me of Donna from "That 70's Show"? Yeah, I asked her out, and she's married. That's right, married. The conversation went a little something like this.

We're talking about the class, and I felt that since I embarass myself infront of lots of people every week, why not do it before Friday night.
So I said, "Do you date immature men?" A Seinfeld line that I must admit I'm partial to.
Then she said, "I'm married."
Me, "What?"
She holds up her hand and I stifle a fit of giggles that overtake me most of the way walking home. Fucking married, no shit. Well, I thought it was funny.

Then on Friday, before I do my standup act, I'm sitting outside the place, doing some writing. Out of nowhere, this drunk dude, sits down at my table. He tried to sit with the chick a few tables down, but she kindly rebuked him. So anyway, he tells me that he's been at the U of M since 1986. He's getting his Masters in Mass Communication. For the record, I don't believe it, but it could be true. Anyway, he asks me what my major is, which is where things get interesting.

Me: English.
He notices that I'm writing stuff.
Him: Are those poems?
Me: No, I fancy myself a stand up comic.
Him: Lay it on me, make me laugh brother.
Me: Um, I'm not really a funny person.

Anyway, so I tell him some of the bits that I've been writing in my little notebook thing. He thought a couple of them were funny. Then he stops this crowd of people walking down the sidewalk. Maybe some of you know what is about to unfold. He tells them that I'm a standup comic, and they should give me 5 minutes of their time. Meanwhile, I'm saying, "Um, don't let us sitting at the same table decieve you, I don't know this guy. Keep walking, don't make me do this." He won't let them leave. Nor will he let me use my material (I didn't have any of it memorized, was in class all week, it was a pain in the ass.) Whew, that was funny.

That's about all I've got, I'm gonna go to sleep or something now.