I saw a movie called "High Tension," two days ago.

Whoa boy do I have some things to say about this movie, and the first should be that the name is not a misnomer. It was fucking tense.

It's also a French film, which I have no problem with because I knew going into it. When you go to see a French film, you just need to realize that the people who made it are fucking French. They just can't help it, and as a result, their movie is just... really... French.

The fact that it's French doesn't come into play very often except in two avenues of the experience: First, it's French, and really wierd. Second, parts of it are dubbed into English by shitty voice actors and parts of it are subtitled. That fact was jarring, and plus, I hate dubbed versions of almost anything. Excepting maybe Iron Chef, because that show is so fucking funny. All I'm saying, Lions Gate Films, is this: Leave the fucking audio track alone and give me some subtitles so I know what the fuck is going on. There's no need for these people to speak my language. The combination of subtitles and dubbing in the movie was jarring, and was unnecessary.

Now, the fun stuff about the movie deserves some introduction. As I said, it was a horror movie. I am not well versed in horror, BUT, I have NEVER seen a movie quite so disturbing. It's not a psychological thriller by any means, it's not an exceptionally plotted horror (though the French are notorious for complicated plots). When I say disturbing, what I mean is this: I had to look away from the screen. Many, many times. This hasn't happened to me since I was a young child and saw Braveheart in theatres. At that time, the scene where William Wallace is disemboweled made me look away. Now that I'm older, I can watch it without flinching.

This movie, on the other end, was fucking brutal. Don't take a girl to see it. I mean BRUTAL. You still don't believe me, you can't just take my word for it. Let me describe one of the deaths:

A man is cut several times with a straight razor. He collapsses to the floor from the pain, while blood streams out of his face and chest. The killer calmly follows him as he crawls ever so slowly up a flight of stairs. When the man with a straight razor catches up to the man who is belly-crawling up the stairs, he grabs the prone victim by the hair and wedges his head in between the handrail supports on the stairs. The head won't quite go through, but after a savage kick, squeezes in.

Then, with the bleeding jackass stuck with his head in the stairs, the killer gets a running start while pushing a clothing dresser. Pushing it parallel to the stairs, he catches the other guy in the face with it, and rips his head off. Our view for the killing blow is from the ceiling, so we can see it all in perfect detail.

Now, that wasn't very well narrated, and was also one of the easier deaths to watch in the movie. Hopefully, you get the point. Not a movie for the faint of heart. It scared the shit out of me, and I was shaking when I left the theater.

Also, a pair of titties can be seen at one point in the movie, as well as a female masturbation scene.

Kudos for that.